Men's Role in Fertility Journey: Why Men Struggle to Engage in Fertility Conversations—and Why Men's Fertility Matters

When couples face fertility challenges, the emotional and physical toll often falls disproportionately on women. Doctor’s appointments, hormonal treatments, cycles of hope and disappointment—all are largely directed toward the woman’s body. And yet, in nearly 40–50% of infertility cases, the male partner plays a contributing role.¹ Despite this, many men remain disengaged, avoidant, or emotionally distant in the Man's role in fertility.

So why is it so hard for men to show up fully in collaborative fertility care?

Men and Fertility: The Quiet Deflection

It’s not uncommon for men to assume, “I have millions of sperm—all we need is one.” While technically true, this mindset can be a form of emotional bypassing—a way to avoid the discomfort of being examined, vulnerable, or implicated in something as deeply personal as creating life.

Instead of addressing potential lifestyle changes or doing a simple semen analysis, many men avoid testing altogether. Some deflect responsibility, subtly (or not-so-subtly) placing the emotional and biological burden of infertility on their partners. Others dive into work, over-exercise, or emotionally shut down, leaving their wives to carry the weight of fertility treatments, IVF cycles, and the grief of failed attempts.

This is not because men are callous—it’s because they often haven’t been taught how to engage emotionally with medical or relational vulnerability.

Infertility Isn’t a Moral Failure—Infertility Is a Medical One

Many men feel shame at the idea of being tested or told their sperm count or motility isn’t optimal. Our culture ties masculinity to virility, strength, and productivity. When these are called into question, even medically, it can feel like an assault on identity.

But here's the truth: infertility is not a moral failing. It is a physiological condition, often influenced by factors entirely within a man’s power to improve—nutritional support, lifestyle changes, hormone regulation, and supplementation.²

What Men Can Do to Support Fertility (and Their Partners)

A man can dramatically support not only fertility outcomes but also emotional intimacy and partnership by taking shared responsibility. Here’s how:

1. Get a Semen Analysis

This is the first step. It’s non-invasive, affordable, and can identify issues with sperm count, motility, morphology, or volume.³ Even if the numbers come back “normal,” it can offer peace of mind—or a data point to improve.

2. Prioritize Nutrition and Supplementation

Many evidence-based supplements are known to support male fertility:

• CoQ10: Boosts mitochondrial function and sperm motility.⁴

• Fish Oil (Omega-3s): Supports hormone health and reduces inflammation.⁵

• Vitamin D & K: Critical for testosterone regulation and calcium balance.⁶

• Vitamin E: An antioxidant that protects sperm from oxidative stress.⁷

  
  

3. Reduce Toxins and Inflammation

Men should avoid excess alcohol, nicotine, recreational drugs, endocrine-disrupting plastics, and excessive heat (like hot tubs or saunas).⁸ These affect sperm health more than most realize.

4. Address Emotional Avoidance

Avoiding feelings or acting like it’s not “his problem” sends a message that a marriage is not a team effort. A man’s willingness to engage—emotionally, relationally, and medically—can radically improve his partner’s well-being and the couple’s overall resilience.

5. Consider Couples Counseling

Many couples find themselves gridlocked around fertility. One partner is carrying the emotional load while the other retreats. Marriage therapy or fertility counseling can help couples:

• Create a shared language around grief, stress, and disappointment

• Develop emotional intimacy even during high-stress IVF or IUI cycles

• Rebuild trust if resentment has set in

• Learn to make joint decisions about next steps in treatment or family-building⁹

  
  

Marriage Is a Team Sport

Infertility doesn’t happen in isolation—it affects the relational field. When one partner emotionally withdraws, it can lead to deep fractures in communication, sexual connection, and mutual respect.

Men are not biologically or emotionally defective for feeling discomfort around fertility challenges. But it’s time to acknowledge that emotional maturity and self-responsibility are just as important as biological contributions. Fertility is not just about sperm and eggs. It’s about how two people move through uncertainty together, with mutual support, respect, and effort.

To the Men Reading This

You are not broken. You are not defective. You are not powerless.

You are capable of growing into a partner who shows up—who investigates his own health, his own emotional resilience, and chooses to walk alongside his wife through one of life’s most vulnerable seasons.

This isn’t about blame—this is about maturity, teamwork, and love.

If you’re ready to be a part of the healing process, reach out. Whether through couples counseling, individual therapy, or our fertility support group, you don’t have to go through fertility alone—and neither does your partner.

Male fertility success — proud father lifts healthy baby after fertility journey, sperm health support, and fertility support..